Where are the good and quality men?

This is not to say there are not a lot of great men out there but there are still a lot of imbalanced and outrightly terrible ones and it greatly bothers me.

Jan 25, 2026

Hey there,

I have a couple of things to talk about today, and no, I am I not an expert on the subject. I am mostly speaking from my own perspective and from the brief context from being a man myself. This includes my context from listening to other men, reading, watching podcasts, observing statistics, listening to the frustrations of women and generally observing the community and environment around me.

Today, we are talking about men.

We’ve had this subject covered from the perspective of women a lot (I’m assuming you have seen it), but I want to bring my perspective from being a man myself.

I am not one to talk about gender issues excessively because discussions around them often become imbalanced and overly sentimental. However, since this is my newsletter, I want to express my perspective and invite you to either agree or disagree with it.

Case 1

The picture above is from a newsletter post highlighting the Overly protective and preservative traditional practice towards women is an African household. Where women are camped under their parents’ roof and prohibited from doing a lot of things under the guise that it would make them less suitable for marriage or being selected by a man.

While I cannot particularly relate to that experience, I know that it’s a reality that exists. So, it was quite surprising when one of the responses I got to it attempting to make it about men by saying:

”She should ask why men are intimidated and not see from one perspective.”

While that point might have been valid in a context where the conversation was balanced, raising it in that context sounds like it faults the writer for only seeing from her perspective as a woman. Where else should she analyze it from.

Case 2

Korty EO is an accomplished content creator who I have admired for a long time for her work ethic and grit. So imagine my shock when I’m scrolling through X(twitter) and her hard work is begin discredited and her achievement being credited to her gender.

There are many more cases where I have seen fellow men do poorly in areas like:

Emotional Intelligence
Moral excellence
Spiritual excellence
Being civil

and so on. And I have decided that while there may be a lot of men doing great, we all have to pay attention to the increasing population of those who aren’t.

Disclaimer: I used to get triggered a lot whenever a women is making a generalization on all men based on her experience with 1 man and in some cases I still do because it sounds like a shot being taken directly at men or simply an inaccurate claim. So, in case you are feeling triggered right now. I know how you feel.

I have come to realize that, whether male or female, the average African or Nigerian grows up under very different dynamics. Some grow up in morally positive households with the right amount of love, influence, and strong parental or father figures. Others do not. This applies to both male and female children. Some grow up in traditional homes that are good while others do not.

Over the past couple of decades, we have seen gradual cultural evolution. There has been evolution in gender roles, education, and society at large, and these changes affect both genders differently.

We have seen increased attention to female health and education. Increased investment in female empowerment, development, and personal growth. Many initiatives now exist to break the cycle of the girl child being raised solely to become a wife. There has been significant investment in ensuring that women have more options beyond marriage as their only life goal.

Although access is still not widespread, the average educated woman today has more options than being confined to traditional expectations. She has more options than settling for a mediocre partner out of fear that she will not get another chance at happiness because she is unmarried. With enough confidence, she can even decide not to get married and still live a successful and fulfilling life.

If even one line here made you pause, rethink, or feel more focused—imagine the impact of getting this kind of clarity every week. Hit subscribe and don’t miss the next one.

While all of this is great, and while there is still much more progress to be made, I want to focus on the other side of this evolution and how it’s impacting men or how men should respond.

There is now an ongoing conversation about the outcome of increasingly evolving women. As women evolve, their selection criteria for partners improve. This means that if you are not a quality man, one with:

emotional intelligence,
moral balance,
financial stability,
spirituality, and
overall personal development,

… you are most likely not going to be an option for a woman who has evolved in these areas.

The reality is that if you are not actively working on yourself as a man in all areas beyond finances, you now run the risk of being bottom of the barrel when it comes to selection.

The currently dominate belief is that most men these days do not know how to handle, partner with or feel useful to evolving women. (It’s not enough to just be TRADITIONAL anymore)

Contrary to the old belief that a man could simply focus on making money while lacking character and emotional intelligence, and still be assured of a partner, that reality is fading. The idea that money alone can be enough to “Get any woman you want“ or to put it in a negative yet real context, trap a woman into dependency, control, or silence is becoming less popular (I’m framing it this way because while this dynamic was effective for traditional households, they can no longer work and for many good reasons).

Many women today are smart and wise enough to avoid selecting such “traditional“ men in the first place. And even if a man manages to get into a relationship through manipulation, many women now have the capacity to walk away without guilt or fear of what life looks like afterward.

Even children are no longer a strong enough anchor. Many women would rather raise children in a healthy single-parent household than remain in a toxic two-parent home with an irresponsible father who compounds trauma. They now have communities, systems, and support structures that make this possible.

Now I have to say that this is not a rant against traditional household dynamics but we have to acknowledge the negatives that came with that dynamic and accept that those negatives are the reasons why society is and needs to evolve to a better dynamic.

Because of the increased financial capacity, career growth, emotional intelligence, and mental development of women, we are beginning to see better quality families. However, these families only form when there are men who also meet similar standards and know how to function in this dynamic.

Unfortunately, a lot of men are still stuck in the traditional mindset and more so a lot of them still hold strongly to the negative sides of it.

What the average mediocre (traditional man upholding the negative of traditional household dynamics) man could get away with years ago is no longer guaranteed. If a man wants a better chance at marriage, partnership, companionship, and legacy, working on himself is no longer optional.

Waiting around with the assumption that marriage is inevitable is risky. There is a high chance it may not happen. And even if it does, the quality of the relationship and partner will likely reflect the quality of the man himself.

Many men are not aware of this reality.

The truth is, if you do not work on yourself, you are now at risk of not having a family (which is a good thing for society if you choose not to change). At risk of not finding a quality partner. At risk of not building a solid legacy. You may still find companionship in some form, but it will not be quality if you are not quality yourself.

Women can now select spouses with clarity rather than cultural pressure or fear-based timelines.

This leads to my core frustration.

There seems to be a mismatch in the pace at which men are evolving compared to women, particularly in Nigeria. This creates a dynamic where quality women have fewer quality men to choose from.

This was initially just a statistic or concept to me. It became real as I started observing conversations, especially online. Many men still think and communicate with mindsets stuck decades behind. Emotional intelligence, moral intelligence, and basic communication are still treated as weaknesses or non-essentials rather than necessities.

In romantic relationships and in society at large, many men lack emotional, financial, moral, and spiritual responsibility. There does not appear to be the same level of intentional development among men as there is among women.

In churches, there are more women than men pursuing spiritual growth. In schools and development programs, there are more women seeking education and skill acquisition. In entrepreneurship, more women are starting businesses and striving for independence (maybe we can argue this one).

Where are the men?

You may argue that men exist elsewhere, and that the numbers balance out. That may be true. But if you look closely, you will also find more men in places where negative vices thrive.

Gambling houses
Betting shops
Drop outs
Joblessness
Spaces that do not promote growth or responsibility.

If you analyze multiple relationships, you will often find emotionally bankrupt men, men lacking communication skills and emotional wisdom.

I mean, if you think i’m bullshitting, take two seconds to think about it and you would realize that there are so many men around you or on the streets that would 100% raise a terrible family if they started one today. Even worse this household would join society and pollute.

I may not have perfect statistics, and I am open to correction. There may very well be a one-to-one balance of quality men and women. But from where I stand, not enough men are rising to the occasion.

Society needs both genders to evolve aggressively and intentionally. Right now, that balance feels off.

Think about it, how many male development focused programs, academies, scholarships or grants do you know.

If you are reading this, understand that the future of families, communities, and society depends on men evolving exponentially. Yes, there is already pressure on men financially and mentally. But intentionality matters.

Join men-focused communities
Build with other men
Start programs if you can
Call out your friends who are shitty but do it in love
Help your friends grow
Have empathy
Hold and represent a higher standard
Celebrate men when it is International Men’s Day
Support your friends emotionally
Scold cheating friends
Call-out bad morals
Do not laugh at trauma, Empathize first
Think on where your dad missed it or was not perfect and DO BETTER
Go to therapy
Be emotionally intelligent
Be mentally intelligent
Pursue academic excellence
Build quality families
Be present. Be intentional.

Make a commitment to yourself that you will do everything in your power to ensure that your wife, your daughters are raised in a home where just by looking at you, they can feel safe around men. Be the image of what a morally sound, spiritual, loving, emotionally intelligent man is.

First, become a better man.
Second, associate with and equip other men to do the same.
Third, raise better men.

That is my rant today about men, society, and where we stand in shaping a better future.

Let me know what you think.

Cheers.

In summary

We have to accept that there are a lot of crappy men out here and agree not to be one.
We also have a responsibility to hold other men accountable to being better, so do that.

Discussion about this post

Ready for more?